Friday, May 14, 2010

I Do This Thing...

It's a pretty bad habit, I suppose, or maybe just an overactive imagination. Every once in awhile, for no real reason at all, my mind jumps to this place of "what is the worst thing that could possibly happen right now?" And I guess that's not entirely abnormal but... I go to this place with such commitment and such detail that I nearly convince myself that this awful thing is real.

Example 1: (Real part) I am home from college. I have taken my mother to a Doctor's appointment. I've been sitting in the waiting room for quite awhile. (Imaginative part) This is taking way too long. Something must be wrong. I bet my mother has died. I don't have my father's work number memorized (this is the time before cell phones). I am going to have to drive over to the middle school and pick my sister up. The secretary who I talk to at the front counter will not allow me to take my sister out of school as I am not her legal guardian nor do I have a note from her legal guardian (my newly deceased mother). My rage and grief will burst forth from me as I tear into this woman and cause major commotion in the office. And then Mom walked back into the waiting room.

Example 2: (Real part) I am watching My Life Without Me, this movie where the main character finds out she has cancer and 2 months to live. (Imaginative part) I probably have cancer too. And a very short time to live. At what point do I tell my parents? Who do I tell first? Should I leave my job? Should I move back home? Should I blow what little money I have on some of the fun things I have always wanted to do? That seems wasteful. Who's going to take care of my cat? How will my family handle this? Do I tell them how much I love them or do I write it in letters? Do I write letters to everyone I love telling them how much I love them? And then do I write letters to people I think are jerks telling them I think they're jerks? This is going to take a long time. I should start now. Oh wait, I don't actually have cancer.

Example 3: (Real part) I'm out to dinner with the then-boyfriend. He has excused himself. (Imaginative part) Has he been gone a really long time? Maybe he's not coming back. What if he chose this moment to leave me? Maybe he couldn't stand to say it to my face so he just got in the car and drove away without saying goodbye. That sucks. How am I going to get home without a car. I should call one of my roommates. This is going to be an awkward conversation. And I don't even have any money on me. How am I going to pay for this meal? Maybe they will let me slide because of the sheer tragedy of this situation. Oh look, then-boyfriend is walking back to the table.

So anyway... we had an emergency meeting at work today and in between the time it was announced and the 5 minutes later that I was walking into the conference room I had so fully convinced myself that there was going to be an announcement of someone's death that I was nearly in tears. Thankfully I was able to pull myself together as no one was actually dead.

Is this normal or does it just mean that... I'm... creative?

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