Monday, October 25, 2010

#51 - Because I Am an Inspiration

So I love my Day Zero Project so much and am so happy with what it is doing for my life... one of the things on my list was to inspire someone to make a list of their own. Mission accomplished and thank you Brooke for jumping in on this kick-ass idea.

In all honesty I hope I can inspire a couple more people... because I believe in this that much. It will be cool if I can. I still have 982 days to go.

More goals coming in on the horizon. Hopefully a Rocky Horror viewing on Halloween, Epcot's Food & Wine on the 8th, and perhaps I will try my hand at something exceptionally challenging... don't complain about anything for a week. Last week (or maybe just the weekend) saw its fair share of angry craziness for no particular reason. People were just abnormally edgy. I attribute it to the full moon. Either way... this week I hope to switch that around... at least for me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

And I Saved $20

One of the items on my list is to put $5 aside every time I complete a task... so with yesterday's homemade, from scratch, no machine needed vanilla bean ice cream... I am up to $20.

The ice cream is good. Reeeeeal good. If only vanilla beens weren't so freakin expensive I would probably make more. Although I could do other flavors as well. A chocolate Kahlua perhaps. Or a cinnamon maple for the lovely autumn weather that is finally showing up. Anyway, I did it. And it was fairly easy.

I'm realizing just how many of my goals are time consuming projects. I can categorize... at least 7 of them as "in progress" right now. But I guess it's good I am starting on them early. And I feel better having these things to focus on.

I'm still loving this project.

And I still kind of feel like I have joined a cult.

I got some not so great news today. And I know my normal reaction would have been to cry or get really angry and panic and shut down. Y'know? Just completely overreact. But I didn't. I just had a moment of "oh, that's annoying... but I'll figure it out and it will be fine." And then I went on my run. I don't know if I can express how cool it is to... recognize yourself changing. I've felt different lately. But now I actually seem to be acting differently too. Proof is reassuring.

It's going to be a really great 1,001 days.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Another One Down

Today I took myself on a date to the Enzian. Go to the movies alone accomplished. I've done this before. Went by myself for the first time during my stint in New York and I loved it. I don't know why it's so... freeing.

In high school I used to value my solo movie nights like gold. I would borrow the hell out of movies from the library (back when libraries didn't freak me out) and I'd lay directly in front of my teeny TV... or occasionally on my ridiculous inflatable chair. I think I liked it so much because... I didn't have to worry about other people's reactions to my reactions. Which for some reason, I did. I cry when happy things happen in movies. Finding movies that make me cry because they are sad is far more challenging.

That being said, Never Let Me Go made me cry from sadness. It was a depressing and heartbreaking story. I knew that going in. 30 minutes into the movie you realize there's no way it can end well. And I was fine enough being sad for the main characters. Watching their hope shatter over and over. I may have found more than one moment of teariness.

I was happy with it being a dystopian, sci-fi story about fictional people. It was the last sentence... in which the main character tried to universalize her plight that turned me off. What she said probably wasn't untrue. Regardless of when we die, most of us will reach that point wishing we had more time and thinking about the things we would have done differently. But what a craptastic outlook and message! Why would you leave an audience with that? And if that's the sentiment that is going to unify us in our humanity... I don't want to be unified.

I'm trying my damndest to stay positive lately. Forget cynicism. Abandon pessimism. The end of this movie left me... resentful and annoyed more than anything else.

So I finished my fantastic cookies, paid my bill, and have since decided to remember the rest of the movie. The haunting romantic story which I spent a content and confident afternoon taking in on my own in a comfy chair while sipping tea. (I'm a pretty darn good date by the way.)

Friday, October 8, 2010

2 Down, 99 To Go

I wrote 2 letters to myself last night. One to open on July 4th, 2013 (the end of my Day Zero Project) and one to open on October 7th, 2020 (ten years from now).

Writing letters to myself is something I have done before. Time capsule purposes and whatnot but it's always a bit strange. I get very caught up in what pronouns to use and the whole thing makes me feel a bit schizophrenic.

It is nice, though, to step back and view myself as... another person. When I'm on the outside looking in I do so with much more faith and much less judgment. More peace, less self-loathing. It's fantastic. As I was writing them I felt, for the second time this week, an incredible sense of relief. And I really could feel this physical sense of... extra weight leaving my heart. This sounds crazy but... it happened and it was beautiful.

I don't want to jump the gun and say I am ready to let go of all the dumb, painful memories and grudges that I've been holding onto for so long... just to return to a place of anger the next time something sets me off. But... I feel more ready than I have in a long time. And I hope I can keep moving in the right direction.

I feel like I have joined a cult. But a nice cult that makes me feel good about the world AND myself. Although I suppose no one thinks they're joining a bad cult when they join. Hmmm. All I know is "drink magic kool-aid" is not on my list. And that's a good sign.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Well... the jogging is on a hiatus... to resume Sunday. Last week brought along the untimely passing of my dear cat child, Sir Swarlos Mugsy Spaceghost. I miss him a lot and so does Marty, my other wee kitty. And that's all I have to say about that.

I'm excited to get back to thr 5k 101. At the beginning of last week I knocked out 2 and a half miles in the allotted 30 minutes. I realize this is not at all impressive but it was kind of a huge step for me. Jogging provides such good thinking time.

In other news... Project Bucket List is growing, or maybe merging. I was introduced to a website called the Day Zero Project. It challenges you to create a To Do list of 101 things and to accomplish them in 1,001 days. Being the To Do list oriented girl that I am, I got to work on my list right away. All the usual suspects from the bucket list are there but have now been joined by things like #14 - Pay a toll for the person behind me, #32 - Make an article of clothing, #54 - Write down my bad memories on paper and burn the paper, #75 - Attend an NBA game, and #99 - Get a better understanding of html and accounting.

It's a good array of silly, artsy, productive, adventurous, and soul freeing things and I encourage other people to try it out. Just creating the list was a great experience in and of itself. Yesterday was my first day. I haven't officially checked anything off yet but a couple are already in process. My date of completion will be July 4th, 2013. I like the idea of closing with fireworks. Perhaps this will help me to cross off #45 - Kiss someone with fireworks in the background which will hopefully work in conjunction with #44 - Fall in love.

#26 is Update my blog with every completed task. So I plan to be posting more. Especially since I am nearly done with #100 - Learn the dance from the "Love is a Battlefield" video.