I wrote 2 letters to myself last night. One to open on July 4th, 2013 (the end of my Day Zero Project) and one to open on October 7th, 2020 (ten years from now).
Writing letters to myself is something I have done before. Time capsule purposes and whatnot but it's always a bit strange. I get very caught up in what pronouns to use and the whole thing makes me feel a bit schizophrenic.
It is nice, though, to step back and view myself as... another person. When I'm on the outside looking in I do so with much more faith and much less judgment. More peace, less self-loathing. It's fantastic. As I was writing them I felt, for the second time this week, an incredible sense of relief. And I really could feel this physical sense of... extra weight leaving my heart. This sounds crazy but... it happened and it was beautiful.
I don't want to jump the gun and say I am ready to let go of all the dumb, painful memories and grudges that I've been holding onto for so long... just to return to a place of anger the next time something sets me off. But... I feel more ready than I have in a long time. And I hope I can keep moving in the right direction.
I feel like I have joined a cult. But a nice cult that makes me feel good about the world AND myself. Although I suppose no one thinks they're joining a bad cult when they join. Hmmm. All I know is "drink magic kool-aid" is not on my list. And that's a good sign.
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